Brené Brown on Blame
Many of us are blamers and when something bad happens, the first thing we want to know is whose fault is it. If you enjoy blaming, you should understand “what is blaming?” Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Accountability, by definition, is a vulnerable process. It means me calling the person who hurt you and saying, "My feelings were really hurt about this." And talking, not blaming.
Blaming is simply a way that we discharge anger. People who blame a lot seldom have the tenacity and grit to actually hold people accountable, because they spend all of their energy raging for 15 seconds and figuring out whose fault something is.
Blaming's very corrosive in relationships. It's one of the reasons we miss our opportunities for empathy. Because when something happens and we're hearing a story, we're not really listening but making the connections as quickly as we can about whose fault something was.
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